Relationships and relationships in school teens

According to social psychologists, there are three basic components in a romantic relationship. They are as follows:-

Passion: sexual attraction. There can sexual attraction without love but there can be no love without sexual attraction. Have you ever seen a gay in love with a girl or have you seen a straight boy in love with a boy or asexual in romantic love with someone. I don’t think so.

Like there can no computer without microprocessor in the same way there can be no romantic love without sexual attraction. And fuck those movies which say love is friendship. Friendship is very important in love but love is not just friendship it’s much more



Intimacy: closeness or friendship. Two people in a relationship should have some similarity. There should be something that they enjoy together except sex. If they don’t have intimacy but only passion then they are sex partners and not lovers.

Commitment: promise. This is very essential for a long term relationship. If you have both intimacy and passion but no commitment then its like a summer love or fling.

The above components are in every relationship but in varying proportions. And the proportions define what kind of relationship it is and decide the fate of the relationships.
Relationship of teens in school is very interesting to study. The commitment is not there. For 90% of school relationships end within twelve months of school closing(end of school means end of proximity factor). Teens may say to each other that they will be together till death but practically something else happens.

In very few relationships partners are real friends, share many things in common and respect each other and at the same time are attracted to each other. Thus having first two components intimacy and passion, these relationships have a good possibility to work and be very beautiful.

Most of the relationships are because of passions of rising hormones in both girls and boys. These relationships just tend to work for 6 to 12 months that’s it. And are sometimes harmful also. Popularly it’s called ‘infatuation’. A very civilized term for mere sexual attraction towards someone.

And there is one more category, for which I have written this blog and in this none of the above components are there in a relationship. Such relationships are rarely seen among adults but quite common in schools and colleges. There may be three reasons for such relationships. First one is seen only among teens, it’s called experimentation. Partners in such relationships are desperados who want to see what it feels like being in a relationship. Second is when, there is a social pressure or benefits to be in a relationship. For example in Thailand if you don’t have a girlfriend then people think that you are either a homosexual or an asexual. In schools of India and Sri Lanka being in a relationship is something which is considered to be cool or glamorous. Third reason, when one likes the feeling of being in love or relationship or the fact that someone likes you and accepts you than liking the person with whom he or she is in relationship with.

Such relationships whatever the reason cannot give people the emotions that one experiences when being in real love. I assume that breakups of such relationships are also not very hurting when compared to others because not much time, effort and emotions are invested. I am not saying whether these relationships are good or not but just trying to tell why people get into such relationships and what happens after that.

Vincent B Mathew